Yesterday was Sunday. Something blew up at my husband’s work, and it was easier for him to go back into the office. He got home at 3:30 a.m. He was exhausted managing kids while I worked this morning, and he felt bad when he snapped at them. He felt like he should do more around the house, but he just couldn’t squeeze it in. He left the house apologizing over and over that he just can’t do more.
If your spouse works a lot, it’s possible that you know this scene.
There have been times in our marriage that I would get frustrated that he couldn’t help more. I was sure that God himself was cursing us for some wrong we committed. I often felt helpless to the circumstances of our lives.
Once I moved from frustration, I landed in protection mode. I stopped telling my spouse things in an effort to protect him from the guilt he might feel if I did tell him. My daily stresses were no longer part of our conversation. I was worried it would hurt him too much to know what I was experiencing because he couldn’t be there to help. I felt alone.
I realized being alone in a marriage wasn’t the answer either, so I began waiting. I was sure if he landed his next job, we (I) could finally be happy. So, he began the active search for a new job, and had received many offers. Yet, none of them fit the bill we had decided the next job would include. A few years passed, which meant my happiness was on hold. I felt hopeless.
I remember first learning that I was 100% in control over my own happiness. Logically it made so much sense, yet I felt guilty or wrong for focusing on my own happiness when I knew my spouse was struggling.
Then, it dawned on me. One of the best gifts I can give him is to take charge of my own happiness. When he has a bad day, he no longer has to worry if I too will sink deeper. It also allows me to serve him from a “full bucket,” which deepens the love I have for him instead of growing resentful.
Now, when there are times that he can’t do as much as he thinks he should, I am able to assure him that I am completely ok. Being in a good place regardless of the circumstances in our life is a pretty good place to be.
Where do you find yourself when your spouse has a bad day? Are you frustrated with life, trying to protect him or her, or put happiness on hold until circumstances change?
Are you ready to find happiness now? Because if so, I am here to show you how.
Click on the link below to send me an email to schedule your consult right now. You deserve all the happiness you want right now.
