Ep 67: [ENCORE] When Following Your Passions Can Ruin Your Life

Have you ever gotten burned by your passions, only to feel like you have to take time away from them?  If your passions require more than the resources you have to give, such as your time, money, or energy, then this episode is for you. 

In this episode, you will learn:

  • The 5 “rocks” to help you create boundaries to enjoy guilt-free passions
  • Why it’s important to conserve your energy so you don’t burn out  
  • How keep the fire going so your passions don’t fizzle
  • How passions stop feeling fun when other areas of your life are suffering
  • Steps for taking inventory to see if your passions still light you up or not

When these 5 “rocks” or boundaries are in place, your passions become the fuel, the mark that you leave on the world. 

They won’t over consume you to the point where you have to take off long periods of time to recover, or that you have to manage guilt because your relationships aren’t as strong as you want them to be.

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Listen to the Full Episode:

Full Transcript:

Welcome to the Mom On Purpose podcast. I’m Lara Johnson and I’m here to teach you how to get out of your funk, be in a better mood, play more with your kids, manage your home better, get your to-do list done and live your life on purpose. With my proven method, this is possible for you, and I’ll show you how.

You’re not alone anymore. We’re in this together. 

Hello, welcome to the Mom On Purpose podcast. I’m your host, Lara Johnson. It’s good to be back with you today. 

I have just gotten over COVID, I have entered my eighth month of pregnancy, and it has been a wild ride, my friends, but I am so glad that, as of this week, my voice is not three octaves too low and I feel like I can talk to you somewhat normally today. 

So, if I do sound a little nasal, that’s why, but that is a big improvement, trust me, from what I was even like three or four days ago. So, a couple things just to begin with. The first is thank you. Thank you for sharing this podcast with your friends and with your loved ones and other moms that you know. It’s been so fun watching the podcast start to grow. 

We are just shy of 2,000 downloads, which is so amazing. That means you are listening, and you are coming back, and you are gathering information to help change your lives, and that means a lot to me. 

The second is to ask for a favor in order for other people to find this podcast. Reviews are so helpful. The reviews are very easy to leave. If you’re on an Apple phone, you just scroll down and it will have a place where you can rate it, which means you can give it a five-star rating. That’s what you feel. 

I hope that is what you feel, but you can also write a very short review and if there’s something that has stood out to you, if there’s something you’ve learned on this podcast, please, I would love to hear that from you so that I know that you’re getting the information that you need. But also, that is how other people are able to find the podcast, and so, as we are gathering ratings and reviews, other people are able to find it in the algorithm. 

So, this is a really fun podcast that we’re talking about today, because I think it goes against what a lot of us think and feel and believe about passions. So the word that I typically use is the word purpose or callings things that we feel called in our heart to do, but I know that for a lot of people, the word passion is something that really lights them up, that really fires them up, and so I wanted to talk today about how, when we follow our passions, how that can actually ruin our life and it sounds very negative. 

I will talk about it in a very positive way, but really being able to keep our passions in check so that they don’t run amok and ruin our lives and we’re going to talk more about that in a second. So, just to start with our game, this podcast episode is for you is if you have ever quote unquote gotten burned by your passions, meaning that you’ve gotten burned out and that, at some point, you feel like you’ve had to take time off from your passions in order to recover, in order to get more sleep, more rest, whatever that is. 

Number two is if you have ever felt guilty about following your passions because you enjoy them more than being at home, and so we’ll talk more about that. But yes, guilt can be a huge thing when we’re starting to follow our passions, especially for passions are kind of taking over our lives. Which leads us to the next one You’ll know this podcast episode is for you is if the, if your passions require more than the resources you have to give, and resources being your time, your money or your energy. 

Now, if your passions require so much of those three things, more than you have to give, this is the right episode for you. The other thing is if you’ve ever started feeling so good following your passions but then you find, in your home life and when you’re with your children is that you’re more annoyed, you feel more resentful towards them, or your home, or the things that you have that are required of your time, the adulting things, the laundry, the cleaning, all of those. 

If you’ve ever started feeling really resentful to those things but you feel so good in your passions. And then the last one is if you’ve ever had, as you’re following your passions, if you’ve ever had a hard time turning your brain off, where you feel like you’re thinking about it all of the time, to the point where you think the only way to solve it is to give it up and maybe you have done that in the past or you’re feeling like that, like you’re so burned out that you feel like you just need to leave it all for a time and walk away. 

It kind of goes back to the first one where you just feel like you need that recovery time. So, the reason why I bring those up is because this is a really common pattern that I see in a lot of my clients and in a lot of women is that as soon as we find what these passions are, we are lit up inside and we can’t wait to bring them out into the world. 

And I wanted to start, you know, as we talk about this, by sharing a little story about when I was growing up. So, my dad is a really big camper. We grew up camping a lot as well as going backpacking, and I love it, like I love the outdoors, I love the mountains. I find a lot of solace there that you will always know that like the crankier I get, the longer it’s been since I’ve been in the mountains. I just know that about myself. 

So, growing up, we spent a lot of time in the mountains, and when we would get to a place, you know, backpacking, one of the first things that we had to do was create a safe place for a fire, and we had a way to start a fire. We had, we had, you know, a lighter match, you know, flint, you know whatever it was that we had at the time. But it wasn’t enough to just have the tools for the spark. 

We also had to create a safe place for the fire, and so we would get to work and we’d, you know, start clearing out some brush, making sure there wasn’t anything around where we were going to have the fire. We’d start collecting rocks, you know, to make it into a circle, so it kind of had that barrier, you know, to keep the fire in a safe place. 

Now, a lot of the times when you go to campsites now, they have that already built. But this was something when we were kids that we kind of had to create for ourselves, and so we would go through, and we’d create this safe boundary. 

The reason why I shared that story with you is because it was essential for us to have fire and we weren’t going to die. Let’s be honest, we weren’t. We weren’t extreme backpackers. But for the sake of the story, you know, fire gives us life. Okay, fire is so essential for your survival when you’re out in the middle of the wilderness. 

But the same fire that can give you life is the same fire that can also destroy cities, it can destroy whole forests and it can destroy your life. It’s not enough to just have the fire. You have to create boundaries in order to use that fire for your benefit. And how does that apply to our passions? Now, with our passions, which is the fire that is inside of us, the thing that lights us up. But without creating safe boundaries, that fire can get so out of control that it can consume you in every aspect of your life. 

So, it is essential for us to have these boundaries put in place so that it doesn’t destroy the other areas of our lives. And so, for today, we’re talking about, you know, the five rocks where we’re going to use that same analogy of creating a fire pit. We’re going to talk about the five rocks that we need in order to create our fire pit to protect our lives. You know, from our passions, you know, going out of control. 

So, the first rock that I wanted to talk about is the rock of time. Now with our passions, because they are so wonderful and so fulfilling and so fun is that we can continue to fuel that and we will start making time for it, but we will start feeling guilty in all the other areas where that time is coming from. So, it’s important to recognize that we have to create boundaries around our time that we are going to spend in our passion. 

Now, there was a time in my life, and I’ve talked about this in past episodes You’d have to go back and not even sure which episode it was. It was probably, I don’t know episode maybe seven or eight, where I talked about the nonprofit that I had started, and I loved this nonprofit. We helped terminally ill parents. 

It was something I did with three other incredible women. It was very fulfilling. It was the first time I had really gone back to work, and it was all on a volunteer basis, so I wasn’t being paid for the work and we’ll talk about that in a second. 

But what I recognized was that I loved doing it so much that I was okay with it bleeding into every area of my life which it did and I got to a point where I realized I was taking so much of the time away from my family, so much of the time I had to take care for my house and to keep my systems in place, to where every area of my life became so much more stressful because I didn’t have boundaries around my time. 

Now, that was something that I had to learn and that’s something that I do teach my clients on how to create these boundaries around time. Now take that example. We’re going to compare it to what I have with my coaching business. 

Now, once I decided to step away from the nonprofit, I wasn’t quite ready to launch my coaching business. It was probably I don’t know a year and a half, two years later that I did launch my coaching business, but I was very concerned that the thing that I loved so much would take over my life and I would need to step away from it. So, I was very clear with myself that I would only work during specific times, and I would not allow work to bleed into other times. But I didn’t have any time. Okay, so my life was very full. My husband works very crazy hours. I am the solo parent the majority of the time. 

Home and family responsibilities fall onto my plate for the most part, and when I really looked at it, I couldn’t figure out okay, well, I know I want to do this business, but how do I have the time to do that? And so it was like the pendulum has swung so far the other way, and so, especially because I’m on, you know, face to face calls with clients where I wasn’t going to be cooking a meal, you know, responding to a text kind of thing I was actually face to face, and so I needed to make sure that I was able to be on with clients during that time. 

And so that’s when I really started to get very clear on how to create time, and I was able to find windows and simplify and really get down to what are the necessities of things in my life that I want to keep. And part of that was I had to let go of the thought that I was busy, and I tell I kind of joke around with my clients that I put myself on a quote unquote busy diet, like I just wouldn’t say the word busy any longer, because I was intentionally choosing to keep things on my schedule. 

So, even though a lot of my coworkers were working 40 plus hours and building their business, what I created was 12 hours. I had a just a window of 12 hours to work, and I decided during those 12 hours that I was going to work harder and work smarter than other people did in 40 hours, and that I was going to create what I felt in my heart in those 12 hours, because that’s what I had, and I no longer believed that I was busy. 

I was being very intentional with my time, and so that’s just a small example of where I started creating boundaries around my passion, and that allows me to still be the stay at home mom that I want to be, while still being the working mom that I want to be, and I’m able to show up for my family and to do all of the things that I would like to do and manage the home in the way that I want to manage it. 

So that’s our first rock is really creating that rock, that boundary, around our time. So, our second rock or boundary that we’re going to put in is that of money. Now, I am a fantastic consumer of incredible knowledge. There is so much knowledge that the world has to offer us and it’s all so, so good and a lot of it costs money. So, I recognized in the past that one of my habits or one of the things with my passion was I could give money to my passion very easily and that I could give a lot of money to my passion very easily. 

And I had to really get clear on this to where I knew for myself that I was making intentional choices with my money, with what I currently had to give, and that was hard because in the beginning I didn’t have more than 50 bucks to give to my passion. Okay, and that’s grown over time as my business has grown and I’m able to make business investments and coaching and programs and all of those things. 

That’s very different now than in the very beginning. And so, in the beginning and then this is where it’s very important for you to get clear for yourself on when you’re looking at your money with regards to your passion, you’ve got to foresee what you have available. That’s always the first step is what do I have available? The second step is to get resourceful, and I’m very resourceful. I knew that if I needed to, I could create that money, I could go get a job, I could budget things differently within our home, and that’s what I did. 

I did in order to create that money around what I needed not what I wanted, but what I needed in order to grow the passion or the purpose that I had and so I really was able to bootstrap and do that in a lot of ways, and in the beginning that was $50. That was it. That was all that I had at the time, and so I want you to get really clear around that rock in your fire pit is don’t just keep giving, don’t let your fire burn so bright that it or the fire burns so out of control that it starts consuming money that you don’t have to give. 

Really get clear on that and really get you know some good coaching on that too. I’m. I say that not to create any kind of guilt feelings in you, but also to get really resourceful and to get very financially literate on where you’re at in your, in your financial well-being of your, of your home. So, our fifth rock that we’re going to create as part of our fire pit is that of energy. 

This was probably the hardest one for me to put into place, because I grew up a hustler. I grew up behind a lawnmower. I grew up working really hard and out working and working longer than other people, and that was like a really big badge of honor that I had. 

But I couldn’t do that and be the mom and run the home that I wanted to be, and so for me it really took making some deliberate choices to slow myself down long enough to work smarter and to work from a different energy, and energy of like being really grounded, being very deliberate, being very intentional, versus what I’ve called in the past like my Ernie energy, where I honestly feel like my hair’s on fire and I and I’m like running around the house but I’m not actually doing anything, I’m not being productive, I’m just wearing myself out. I heard the best analogy today. 

I was doing a podcast interview with another coach, and she had me on her podcast and the way she described this energy was on the water, a duck is gliding, but underneath their little feet are just pedaling as fast as they can, you know, and I feel like sometimes that’s how we are, like we might be going across the surface, but inside our energy is just like spiraling out of control. 

I had to be willing to let that go and that was very challenging for me because it took me learning how to think and feel and exist in a very different way. But once I created boundaries around my energy, around the way I was going to show up in my business, around the way I was going to show up cleaning and carpooling, and scheduling and all of those things, I became so much more grounded, and I really kept my passion intact throughout that process. 

It was never something I had to do, was never something I pressured myself to do. It was something I chose to do, and I was going to enjoy it and find, find the joy and the love through that process. So that’s the next rock that I had on my fire pit. 

So, the fourth one was the rock of my, my relationship with my children. And you can put any relationship in here, that that of your partner, with your extended family, with friends, but for me it was really what I noticed was around my children, because they were the ones that were with me the majority of the time. 

And I recognized in past endeavors and past passions was that I put those text messages or those emails above the priority of my children, and I don’t ever mention this again and this is never a place of judgment. This is a place of exploration, on, on really taking an inventory of where we’re at. And when I stepped back and I took an inventory on where I was at with my children is I recognized my passion was fun, it fulfilled me, and it made life more bearable. 

But what I realized on the flip side was that I thought my life was unbearable with my children, and that was a really hard realization for me because at the time we were going through a lot of challenges. But in order to escape from those challenges, I wanted to fuel my passion and I got that by responding to texts instead of listening to my children and so really creating that boundary around my family life and doing the essential work, the mindset work, the emotional processing, so that I could show up in my life with my children, and that it wasn’t just bearable but that it was enjoyable. 

And that was a challenge that was really hard, and I am so grateful that I’ve been able to navigate that. And now I am able to navigate out my clients navigate that same thing. That’s what I really want to challenge you with this rock in your fire pit is if you find that you are more fulfilled and how do I want to word this? It’s not just more fulfilled, but if you find yourself escaping your family life and you’re escaping that to your passion. 

You have got to create a boundary around that. You got to make sure that your passion is intact, and I can teach you how to do that and we’ll talk more about that on different episodes but just recognize and take inventory of that and take responsibility, and that it doesn’t have to stay that way, that it can change, in that your home life can be a really fulfilling place to. So, then that leads us to the last rock. 

You know, creating in your fire pit is creating a home life, and a home life meaning not just where the people live, but the things that are in your home. And we talk a lot about being that home manager, because for most of us listening to this podcast, we are. 

We are the home managers, and much of our home life falls on our mental and physical plates, and for me, it really got down to creating some simple systems and routines that made it so. My home supported me in my dreams and didn’t take me away from it. And once I created boundaries around my passion and I really put my home life as something that could support my passion, not take me away from it, I wasn’t as resentful from it and again, I wasn’t using my passion to escape the responsibilities I had at home anymore. 

I took responsibility for the things that I had at home. I made them efficient; I made them effective, and I made them working well for me. They don’t always work for other people because their home life is different than my home life, and so once I, once I really created that and put that in place, then it was very easy for me to go to my passion and then transition back into my home, or my home, and then transition back into my passion, because that boundary was already created. 

They didn’t need to bleed into each other and consume my passion, didn’t have to consume all areas of my life to where these systems fell apart and then negatively impacted the other areas of my home and created more stress. You know when nobody can find clean underwear. 

So those are, those are the five rocks that I want you to create around your fire pit and as you, as you have these boundaries in place, again, I’m going to review them. The first boundary is that of time. The second boundary is that of money. The third boundary is that of energy. The fourth boundary is that of your children or other relationships you have, and the fifth is boundary is that of your home. 

Once you have these boundaries in place, when you are following your passion, your passion will give you life. Your passion will be the fuel, the mark that you leave on the world, but it won’t destroy your world. It won’t over consume it to the point where you have to take off long periods of time to recover, or that you have to manage guilt because your relationships aren’t as strong as you want them to be. 

What you will feel is fire in your soul, and you will feel committed and dedicated to the other areas of your life. You will feel fulfilled in those places as well. So, this is what I would really challenge you this week is to really recognize the fire that gives you life is also the fire that can ruin it, but having the right boundaries in place and really practicing within those boundaries is what will keep that fire giving you life and keep you going forward for the long term. I will talk with you next week. 

Thank you for listening. Please share, review and subscribe to this podcast so that together, we can live life on purpose. 

How to Connect with Lara:

Web: www.larajohnsoncoaching.com

Instagram: www.instagram.com/j.lara.johnson/

Facebook: www.facebook.com/larajohnsoncoaching

Work with Lara: www.larajohnsoncoaching.com/work-with-me/

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